Rain, the thing that has always made me happy, but it is also the one that makes me feel the need to have someone that would just stay beside me. I guess that's something too much to ask for when I am struggling to love myself how I would expect someone else to love me. But would I ever find that person who I could depend on?

All my life the only thing I feel missing is care. Because 'I have a lovely family for whom I could go to any height' note my sarcasm If there was ever a award for best parents in the world they would be my last option. I have accepted it a long time ago that they my home is not a safe place for me, is this  why is there this hollowness in my heart that never seems to go away? When did my fears take over my happiness, when did my existence in others lives seem to be worthless? My confusions seem to have no end.

I wish to have at least one day in my life where I don't need to worry about my family, and what others think and live it happily. People say running away is not always an option but why do I feel like running away from everything would make me feel alive to some extent?

God how could you let my parents keep my name Swecha and not let me be that free from my thoughts? If only I could be as free as my name is. Is this how my life was supposed to be? I mean I know I'm only twenty years old, but why do I feel like even at this young age my life sucks? What have I even seen in my life to feel this pressure? Is there any particular reason that makes me feel like this?

"Swecha..."

And just like that, I'm back from my thoughts. I look at my friend giving me a questionable look and I just shake my head and turn my focus to the professor who is teaching God knows what. I don't even know why I must get up early in the morning and listen to these stupid lectures which I know I would probably find on YouTube. If attendance was not mandatory, I wouldn't even be looking at this college's face.

With a bored look, I looked beside me to see my friend Prerna on the phone chatting with her friends.

'great'

is all I thought I mean we are not that close of friends it's just one of those friendships that are just for company at college or when you need help. She is a social butterfly if you ask me, she could literally choose to sit with others, but she still chooses to sit beside that makes me feel happy

'She probably just pity's you' comes a reply from my brain.

I roll my eyes at my thoughts and look around in the class to see everyone busy with either talking or using the phone. I sigh loudly and that makes Prerana look at me. I give her a look that tells her that I'm bored. She just points to my phone telling me to use it then I shake my head indicating her that I'm not interested. She takes a deep breath, locks her phone and turns to me. I give her a sheepish grin and then we start talking about random stuff. Our talks mostly consist of gossip about things that happen in college. I mean dramas are not good when they happen in our life, but watching dramas unfold is just different. Right?

Her telling me stuff all makes me wonder if I live under a rock? Like right now she is telling me about a guy named Anish who is apparently my senior and is popular and he has a crush on someone in our class. Ok that didn't sound like much gossip to me because I didn't even know there was a guy named Anish in our college. Let's hope his crush likes him back. There will be some juicy gossip for me in future.

'Anish... nice name' if only I knew how this person changes me forever.

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Please do comment on how good it is it would help me understand if you guys are liking it or not and please to vote for it too. This is my 1st time writing a story and I am kind of a person who could make things a lot dramatic so I hope you guys understand it...