Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?

                                                                      ~ The Archer

Lunch time came quickly today, or maybe it's just that I feel like it came quickly. I am not even ready for lunch. I'm not ready to face that guy again. I am not ready to give my answer. I mean, I already know what the answer is that I am going to give him. I have my own fears, which I stopped fighting a long time ago because I knew I could never win against them. It's not like I did not try. I tried, and I even know the solution to my fears. But I was never the one to be brave and fight to overcome my problems. Others are not my problem; I am a problem in my life. I accepted that I could never enjoy my life like others, but you know a thing about humans: even after giving up on it, they still have the hope that maybe someday something will happen that will change everything. I know it's a waste to keep hopes, but still, this is the only hope that one day I will not care about my fears anymore and live happily without caring about anything. That's highly unlikely, right?

I look to my side to see Prerna waiting for me so that we could go and have lunch, so I take a deep breath, preparing myself for giving the answer. I am already overthinking my friendship with Prerna, which is why I could not even talk to her properly, even if it has been three years that I have known her. I could never bring myself to do something that could make me close to her. I am just happy that she didn't give up on me and is still with me right now. I have had my walls up so high for so long that I forgot how to even make them fall for a second. I picked up my bag, gave her a smile, and we made our way to the cafeteria to have lunch.

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I and Prerna were having lunch and chatting here and there when I heard someone pulling a chair in front of us. I didn't need to look to know who it was. I looked at Prerna to see that she was shocked to see the guy who was sitting in front of me.

'Why is she so shocked to see him?'

I just gave her a tired look and turned to face the guy who was sitting in front of me. The moment I look at him, he gives me a big smile, rubs his hands together, and says, "So...."

"Look, Anish, I'm sorry..."

"Wait, wait, wait, I can guess what your answer is, but I won't take no for an answer. If you are going to say something that is opposite to what I'm saying, then let me tell you that I am a very clingy person, so I'm not going to leave you till you accept me, so you better accept me as your friend before I start to annoy you daily." He says it with a smile, and I feel like I can't breathe for a second. I looked at his face to see if there was some kind of look that said that he was just messing with me, but all I could see was sincerity.

----Flashback----

A five-year-old girl sitting beside her parents looks at the girl in front of her, looking at her with a smile.

"Will you be my friend?" said the girl in front of her. She looks at her parents, who give her a small smile and give her a nod. She stares back at the girl for a second, then slowly shakes her head. The said girl's face fell, and she pouted. "I don't care what your answer is, you are going to be my friend," said the girl with a determined face.

The five-year-old girl smiles to herself.

-----------------

I come out of my thoughts when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see Prerna giving me a concerned look. I give her a small smile, assuring her that I'm okay, even though I'm not. I turn my head back to Anish, who is sitting in front of me with the same expression as Prerna. I put my hand on my legs, and I made my hands into such a tight fist that my nails started to dig into my skin. I feel my throat tighten. I open my mouth to say something, but my mind is blank. I take a deep breath and say, "Y-you d-don't need to waste your time on me, Anish. Better to waste your time on others than on me".

With that, I stand up, pick up my things, and make my way. I could hear Prerna and Anish calling me, but right now I must get out of here because I am feeling suffocated. Why am I finding it hard to breathe? Please, it's been a long time since I last had this. I tried to stay away from them. This is why I hate interacting with people and why I am so sensitive to words. My eyes start to become blurry. I thought I don't care anymore then why am I still sensitive about this. 

'Swecha breath slowly you can't let anyone see you like this. Okay, breathe in and out. you can do it. It's not hard.'

After a minute, I was back to normal. I make my way towards the class. On my way, I made up a lie because I can't let Prerna know why I dashed out of the cafeteria without waiting for her. When I entered the class, I saw her in our seat. She looks at me. The moment I enter the class, it is clear that she is waiting for me. I let out a sigh and sat beside her.

"Are you okay?" is the first thing she asks.

"Why won't I be?" I asked, giving her one of the fakest smiles that I knew I aced in.

She doesn't look convinced. "Ok, leave it at that. Will you tell me why our senior was trying to be your friend?". I breathe in relief that she changed the topic.

"He is our senior?"

"Yeah, he was the one I was talking about, you know, the guy who has a crush on our class girl."

"Ah, so he is the one? I didn't know that. He just showed up yesterday saying he wanted to be my friend," I say with a shrug.

I look at Prerna's face. It looks like she was calculating something, and then suddenly she stands up abruptly and dashes out. I look at the way she went questionably. I was about to follow her when I heard my phone ring. I looked at it to see my mom calling. I look at our classroom door. I let out a sigh and lifted my mom's call.

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When the bell rings, I look at the door to see that Prerna is still not back. I was about to make my way to the exit when I saw Prerna coming in again with a bright smile, and she looked at me. Her smile grew even more, if that was possible, and when she hugged me, I hugged her back hesitantly. We broke the hug after a minute, and I raised my eyebrows, asking her what happened. She just smiles and shakes her head, and just then our professor enters the class, so I don't question her, and we take our seats again. 

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